Will my partner find out I used this?

Not unless you tell them. Your reflections are private and kept to your account; nothing is sent by email by default; and you can delete your account in one click. We're built on the assumption you value your privacy.

Can I bring this to my therapist?

Yes — the report prints as a PDF, and the Companion lets you save incidents to a private evidence file you can hand a clinician. Many survivors say it's the artifact that finally moved a therapist past circling.

What if I'm wrong about them?

Good question to keep asking — and a sign of empathy, not narcissism. The reflection isn't a verdict on the person. It names patterns in behavior. A clinician makes the diagnosis; we just give you vocabulary.

Will this make things worse?

Naming what's happening tends to clarify rather than escalate. If you're in a high-risk situation (physical violence, threats with weapons, sexual coercion), please call 1-800-799-7233 before you do anything else. Safety plan first; reflection second.

The education library and the survivor community are free, forever. The deeper, personalized tools (your AI reflection, the Companion, the evidence file) are part of a paid plan. Safety planning and crisis resources are always free.

If you're asking the question, you almost certainly aren't. NPD is defined in part by the absence of that question. Asking is empathy in action.

Custody battle with a narcissist

In a custody dispute with a narcissistic ex, the children often become the last available lever of control. Courts respond to evidence and stability, not to labels — so your job is to be the documented, boring, child-focused parent: keep records, communicate only through writable channels, never badmouth the other parent to the kids, and work with professionals who understand post-separation control.

Why custody becomes the battleground

When the relationship ends, children can become the one remaining channel of access to you. That's why some parents who barely engaged during the marriage suddenly fight for every overnight — the fight itself is the point. Knowing this protects you from two traps: expecting them to co-parent in good faith, and letting their provocations pull you into behavior that hurts your case.

What the playbook looks like

Chaos around exchanges: late arrivals, last-minute changes, drop-offs engineered into confrontations.
Interrogating the children about your home, your money, who visits.
Undermining: “Mom's rules don't apply here.” “Dad's just being dramatic again.”
Gifts and no-rules weekends versus your homework and bedtimes — fun parent vs. firm parent.
Sudden intense involvement in school and doctors — timed for the evaluation, gone after the order.
Accusing you of the very things they do: alienation, instability, manipulation (see DARVO).

In family court, the parent who stays calm, documented, and child-focused is the one who's still standing when the performance wears thin.

Protecting your case

Use a court-approved communication app (OurFamilyWizard, TalkingParents, AppClose). They timestamp everything and some flag hostile tone — judges read these logs.
Keep a custody journal: dates, exchanges, no-shows, sick days handled, homework done. Patterns win cases; anecdotes don't.
Respond like it'll be an exhibit — because it may be. Three sentences, facts only, child-focused. BIFF: brief, informative, friendly, firm.
Never badmouth the other parent to the kids. It harms them first — and it's also the fastest way to hand the other side an alienation claim.
Follow the order to the letter, even when they don't. Two chaotic parents look the same from the bench; be the contrast.
Ask about parallel parenting. Where cooperative co-parenting is impossible, a highly specified order — exact times, locations, holiday schedules — removes the gray zones conflict lives in.
Raise safety concerns through channels: document, tell your lawyer, involve professionals. Don't withhold visitation on your own except in a genuine emergency — and then call your lawyer immediately.

Protecting your kids' inner world

You can't control the other household, and trying will exhaust you. What you can control is being the home where feelings are allowed. Don't interrogate the kids after visits; let them tell you what they choose. Validate without prosecuting: “That sounds confusing. I'm glad you told me.” A child therapist gives them a neutral place to process — and, incidentally, a professional witness to their wellbeing. Children with one consistently safe, regulated parent do far better than the custody war around them would predict. Be that parent, and let the long game work.

Keep reading

Common questions

Should I tell the judge or evaluator my ex is a narcissist?

No — describe documented behaviors and their effect on the children instead. “He missed 14 of 20 exchanges; here's the log” moves a court. “She's a narcissist” makes you look like the high-conflict one. Let the pattern earn the label in the judge's own mind.

What if my ex is turning the children against me?

Stay steady and don't counter-campaign — children eventually compare stories with reality. Keep showing up, keep your home warm and predictable, document what the kids report spontaneously, and get them a therapist. Fighting badmouthing with badmouthing hurts them and your case.

Can I get sole custody because my ex is abusive?

Courts weigh documented evidence of harm to the children, not diagnoses or your testimony alone. Records, police reports, medical notes, school observations, and professional evaluations are what move custody outcomes. Work with a lawyer experienced in domestic abuse cases to present the pattern properly.

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