Red-flags checklist (printable): emotional abuse

A free, printable checklist of emotional-abuse and coercive-control red flags. Read it offline, away from a monitored phone. There's nothing to sign up for.

The red flags, grouped by pattern

Making you doubt reality

• “That never happened — you’re remembering it wrong.”
• You keep a mental log or screenshots just to prove things to yourself.
• You apologize for things you didn’t do.
• You feel “crazy,” “too sensitive,” or “dramatic” after most conflicts.

Control & isolation

• Checking your phone, location, spending, or who you see.
• Your friends and family slowly dropped away.
• You rehearse conversations to avoid setting them off.
• Money, the car, or the kids are used as leverage.

The cycle

• Intense charm or gifts early on (love-bombing), then a chill.
• Warm-then-cold swings that keep you off balance.
• Big promises to change that don’t last.
• After a blow-up, somehow you’re the one apologizing.

How your body keeps score

• You feel lighter the moment they leave the room.
• Trouble sleeping, a knot of dread, or exhaustion you can’t explain.
• You’ve stopped doing things you used to love.
• You don’t recognize yourself anymore.

Written by a survivor, reviewed by nurses. This content was written by someone who has lived these relationships and reviewed by nurses with direct experience supporting people affected by narcissistic and borderline patterns. All content is trauma-informed and evidence-based. It is educational, not a clinical diagnosis.

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Part of Unmasked — trauma-informed education on narcissistic (NPD) and borderline (BPD) relationship patterns. NPD · BPD · NPD vs BPD · Glossary · Tools · Pricing