Red-flags checklist (printable)

A free, printable checklist of emotional-abuse and coercive-control red flags. Read it offline, away from a monitored phone. Nothing to sign up for.

The red flags, grouped by pattern

Making you doubt reality

• “That never happened — you’re remembering it wrong.”
• You keep a mental log or screenshots just to prove things to yourself.
• You apologize for things you didn’t do.
• You feel “crazy,” “too sensitive,” or “dramatic” after most conflicts.

Control & isolation

• Checking your phone, location, spending, or who you see.
• Your friends and family slowly dropped away.
• You rehearse conversations to avoid setting them off.
• Money, the car, or the kids are used as leverage.

The cycle

• Intense charm or gifts early on (love-bombing), then a chill.
• Warm-then-cold swings that keep you off balance.
• Big promises to change that don’t last.
• After a blow-up, somehow you’re the one apologizing.

How your body keeps score

• You feel lighter the moment they leave the room.
• Trouble sleeping, a knot of dread, or exhaustion you can’t explain.
• You’ve stopped doing things you used to love.
• You don’t recognize yourself anymore.

Clinically reviewed by the Unmasked care team. This content was written and reviewed by a licensed nurse practitioner and Nicole, a registered nurse, both with direct experience supporting individuals affected by narcissistic and borderline relationship patterns. All content is trauma-informed and evidence-based. It is educational, not a clinical diagnosis.

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Part of Unmasked — trauma-informed education on narcissistic (NPD) and borderline (BPD) relationship patterns. NPD · BPD · NPD vs BPD · Glossary · Tools · Pricing