How to secure your phone and accounts

Hands holding a warm mug over an open notebook
A calm moment to pause with — from Unmasked Care’s guide “How to secure your phone and accounts”.

Securing your phone and accounts is important — but doing it at the wrong moment is dangerous. Someone who's monitoring you will usually notice the instant it stops, and that discovery can escalate things fast. So the order is: use a device they can't access, find out quietly what's being monitored, talk to an advocate about timing, and make the visible changes when you're somewhere safe.

In plain terms — the points this guide will walk through:

First, assume nothing about your own phone

Diagram: First, assume nothing about your own phone
First, assume nothing about your own phone — a quick visual from Unmasked Care’s guide “How to secure your phone and accounts”.

If your partner set up your phone, pays for the plan, knows your passcode, or has ever “fixed something” on it, treat it as potentially visible to them. That isn't paranoia. Digital monitoring is one of the most common features of coercive control precisely because it's cheap, quiet, and easy.

If your gut has been saying “how did they know that?” — your gut has been collecting evidence.

Signs that something is being monitored

None of these prove anything on their own. Together, they're worth taking seriously — and worth checking from a different device, not by searching on the phone in question.

Where monitoring usually hides

The safer order of operations

  1. Get a safe device first. A library or work computer, a friend's phone, or a cheap prepaid phone they know nothing about. Do all planning there.
  2. Create a new email address on that safe device, with a password they've never seen and a recovery method that isn't their number. This becomes the anchor for everything else.
  3. Look, don't touch. Note what's monitoring you before you remove anything — screenshots of tracking apps, location sharing, and account access are useful evidence later.
  4. Talk to an advocate about timing. They deal with exactly this and can help you decide what to change now, what to change on the day you leave, and what to leave alone.
  5. Make the visible changes when you're safe. Passwords, 2FA, location sharing off, removing them from family plans and shared accounts — ideally once you're somewhere they can't reach you.
  6. Then lock the doors properly. Two-factor authentication on email and banking, new security questions, revoke old logged-in sessions, and check for forwarding rules again a week later.

A clean-phone strategy

If the phone you carry is compromised or might be, the cleanest answer often isn't fixing it — it's a second, cheap prepaid phone that exists only for safety planning. Keep the old phone behaving normally so nothing looks different. Keep the new one somewhere they'll never look. Use it for the hotline, the advocate, the lawyer, the friend who's holding your go bag.

After you're out

Key Takeaways

Hold these as orientation, not as a verdict on your relationship — and not as a diagnosis of anyone.

PointDetails
First, assume nothing about your own phoneIf your partner set up your phone, pays for the plan, knows your passcode, or has ever “fixed something” on it, treat it as potentially visible to them.
Signs that something is being monitoredThey know things you only said in a text, a search, or a private conversation.
Where monitoring usually hidesLocation sharing — Find My, Google location sharing, family-safety apps, shared map apps.
The safer order of operationsGet a safe device first. A library or work computer, a friend's phone, or a cheap prepaid phone they know nothing about.
A clean-phone strategyIf the phone you carry is compromised or might be, the cleanest answer often isn't fixing it — it's a second, cheap prepaid phone that exists only for safety planning.
After you're outChange every password from the safe device, starting with email, then banking, then everything that uses email to reset.

What this guide is really asking you to notice

The non-obvious point is not a new technique — it is a shift in what counts as evidence. Get a safe device first. A library or work computer, a friend's phone, or a cheap prepaid phone they know nothing about. That framing matters because people in these dynamics are often waiting for a clearer moment, a worse incident, or permission from the other person. None of those arrive on schedule. The line that usually lands hardest: “If your gut has been saying “how did they know that?” — your gut has been collecting evidence.” This is educational, not a diagnosis, and it is not a substitute for someone who can look at your specific situation.

Unmasked tools built for this situation

Guides name the pattern. These tools help you work with your own messages, notes, and next steps — without asking you to perform certainty you do not have yet.

Useful sources and U.S. resources

These are stable organisational pages (not deep article links). URLs are written out in plain text because guide body copy does not render inline hyperlinks.

Recommended

Common questions

Should I change my passwords right now?

Not necessarily right now. If you still live with them and they're monitoring you, an abrupt lockout can escalate things — that's the single most common warning advocates give. Plan from a device they can't see, and where possible make the visible changes once you're somewhere safe, with an advocate helping you time it.

How do I check for a tracker on my car or in my bag?

Modern phones can alert you to unknown trackers moving with you, and both major platforms have a scan feature. Physically, check the glovebox, under seats, the trunk lining, wheel wells, and bag pockets. If you find one, photograph it in place before touching it, and tell an advocate or the police — removing it silently tells them something changed.

Is factory resetting my phone a good idea?

It removes most monitoring software, but it's also loud — a reset is obvious, and it destroys evidence you may want. Screenshot and document first, and consider whether a separate cheap phone is a quieter solution than resetting the one they expect to be able to see.

Can I use my regular phone to call a hotline?

It may be visible in call logs or on a shared plan bill. Safer options: a friend's phone, a work phone, a prepaid phone, or the hotline's online chat from a library computer. If you must use your own, the hotline can talk through how to do it as safely as possible.

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