Will my partner find out I used this?

Not unless you tell them. Your reflections are private and kept to your account; nothing is sent by email by default; and you can delete your account in one click. We're built on the assumption you value your privacy.

Can I bring this to my therapist?

Yes — the report prints as a PDF, and the Companion lets you save incidents to a private evidence file you can hand a clinician. Many survivors say it's the artifact that finally moved a therapist past circling.

What if I'm wrong about them?

Good question to keep asking — and a sign of empathy, not narcissism. The reflection isn't a verdict on the person. It names patterns in behavior. A clinician makes the diagnosis; we just give you vocabulary.

Will this make things worse?

Naming what's happening tends to clarify rather than escalate. If you're in a high-risk situation (physical violence, threats with weapons, sexual coercion), please call 1-800-799-7233 before you do anything else. Safety plan first; reflection second.

The education library and the survivor community are free, forever. The deeper, personalized tools (your AI reflection, the Companion, the evidence file) are part of a paid plan. Safety planning and crisis resources are always free.

If you're asking the question, you almost certainly aren't. NPD is defined in part by the absence of that question. Asking is empathy in action.

Divorcing a narcissist

Divorcing a narcissist usually isn't about dividing assets — it's about their need to win, punish, and control the narrative. Expect delays, provocation, and image management. Your counter-strategy is unglamorous and effective: document everything, communicate only in writing, hire a lawyer experienced with high-conflict personalities, stop expecting fairness from them, and get it from the process instead.

Why this divorce is different

For a narcissistic spouse, divorce is a public narcissistic injury: you are ending the relationship, telling the world it failed, and escaping their control all at once. Many respond by turning the legal process itself into the next arena — not to reach an outcome, but to keep access to you. Understanding that changes your strategy: you're not negotiating with a reasonable person having a hard time. You're managing a campaign.

Tactics to expect

Delay as warfare: canceled mediations, last-minute lawyer changes, endless document requests — the goal is to exhaust your money and will.
Provocation: enraging texts before hearings, hoping you'll explode somewhere it can be screenshotted.
Image management: they arrive in court calm, charming, and reasonable — the opposite of the person you live with.
Financial games: hidden accounts, suddenly reduced income, “forgotten” assets, or draining joint funds.
The smear: friends, family, even your own relatives hear that you're unstable, greedy, or the real abuser.
Fake reconciliation: a sudden warm truce that evaporates the moment you relax or concede something.

You're playing to finish. They're playing to keep the game going. Every move that shortens the game is a win.

Your counter-strategy

Everything in writing. Move all communication to email or a court-approved app. No phone calls, no doorstep conversations. Written words can't be rewritten.
Document relentlessly. Keep a dated log of incidents, save messages and voicemails, and photograph anything relevant. Boring, factual records beat dramatic testimony.
Secure your finances early. Copies of tax returns, statements, and account lists — gathered before you announce anything, kept somewhere they can't reach.
Hire the right lawyer. You want someone who has run high-conflict divorces before — ask directly: “How do you handle a spouse who lies, delays, and manipulates?” A lawyer who says “everyone calms down eventually” hasn't met yours.
Respond slowly and briefly. Their outrageous message wants an instant reaction. Give it 24 hours and three factual sentences — or silence, if no response is needed.
Protect your own record. Assume every text you send will be read aloud in court. Be the person the judge finds boring and credible.
Build a support team that isn't your lawyer. Therapist for the grief, friend for the 2 a.m. spirals — at legal rates, your lawyer is the world's most expensive shoulder.

Guarding your mind through it

The hardest part is usually not legal — it's watching someone perform sanity in public while dismantling you in private, and grieving the marriage at the same time. Expect the process to take longer than seems reasonable. Measure progress in months, not hearings. And hold onto this: the endpoint is real. Orders get signed. Decrees get finalized. The person who thrives on the fight eventually runs out of arena.

Keep reading

Common questions

Should I tell my lawyer I think my spouse is a narcissist?

Describe behaviors, not diagnoses: “He drained the joint account after I filed,” “She sends 40 texts a day and then claims I'm harassing her.” Concrete, documented patterns are what a lawyer can use; labels can make you sound like the emotional one.

Is mediation possible with a narcissistic spouse?

Sometimes, but go in clear-eyed: mediation assumes both people want resolution, and a high-conflict spouse may use it to stall or dominate. If you try it, use a mediator experienced with power imbalances — and be willing to stop if it becomes another arena.

How do I afford a divorce they're deliberately making expensive?

Tell your lawyer explicitly that cost-exhaustion is the other side's tactic — good ones adjust strategy, seek fee awards for bad-faith delays, and pick battles. Prioritize the outcomes that matter (safety, custody, housing) and let symbolic fights go.

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