No contact means cutting off all communication with the person who harmed you — calls, texts, social media, and in-person contact — so the cycle can't keep pulling you back. It works because abuse runs on access and intermittent reward; remove the access and the hook loses its grip. It's hard at first and gets easier, and where full no-contact isn't possible (co-parenting), low contact is the next best thing.
No contact is exactly what it sounds like: no calls, texts, DMs, emails, “accidental” run-ins, or checking their social media. It also means blocking where you can and telling mutual friends not to pass messages. The goal isn't punishment — it's giving your nervous system the distance it needs to recover.
Abusive and narcissistic dynamics run on access and intermittent reinforcement — unpredictable cycles of cruelty and warmth that create a powerful bond. Every contact, even a fight, feeds that loop. No contact starves it. It also ends the gaslighting in real time, so your own perception can finally settle.
Silence isn't cruelty. It's the boundary that finally lets you heal.
If you share children, court, or finances, shift to low contact: keep every exchange brief, factual, and business-only (gray rock + BIFF), route it through a documented channel, and never engage the bait. You can be unreachable as a *person* while still handling logistics.
Most people feel the worst in the first few weeks (when hoovering and withdrawal peak) and noticeably steadier after a few months. There's no fixed timeline, but it gets easier — the early days are the hardest, not the norm.
No. Protecting yourself from someone who harmed you is a boundary, not a punishment. You don't owe continued access to a person who used it to hurt you.
It's common — don't treat a slip as failure. Notice what triggered it (often hoovering or loneliness), re-read your reasons for leaving, and start again. Recovery isn't linear.