Will my partner find out I used this?

Not unless you tell them. Your reflections are private and kept to your account; nothing is sent by email by default; and you can delete your account in one click. We're built on the assumption you value your privacy.

Can I bring this to my therapist?

Yes — the report prints as a PDF, and the Companion lets you save incidents to a private evidence file you can hand a clinician. Many survivors say it's the artifact that finally moved a therapist past circling.

What if I'm wrong about them?

Good question to keep asking — and a sign of empathy, not narcissism. The reflection isn't a verdict on the person. It names patterns in behavior. A clinician makes the diagnosis; we just give you vocabulary.

Will this make things worse?

Naming what's happening tends to clarify rather than escalate. If you're in a high-risk situation (physical violence, threats with weapons, sexual coercion), please call 1-800-799-7233 before you do anything else. Safety plan first; reflection second.

The education library and the survivor community are free, forever. The deeper, personalized tools (your AI reflection, the Companion, the evidence file) are part of a paid plan. Safety planning and crisis resources are always free.

If you're asking the question, you almost certainly aren't. NPD is defined in part by the absence of that question. Asking is empathy in action.

Flying monkeys, explained

“Flying monkeys” — borrowed from The Wizard of Oz — are the people an abuser recruits to act on their behalf: relaying messages, pressuring you to reconcile, reporting on your life, or joining in the criticism. Most don't know they're being used; they've only heard the abuser's version. The pressure they bring is real, but it isn't proof you're wrong — it's proof the campaign is working.

What flying monkeys actually do

Deliver messages you've blocked: “They just want to talk. They're devastated.”
Pressure you to forgive: “Life's too short. Family is family.”
Report back on you — your posts, your new relationship, how you looked at the party.
Defend the abuser's version of events in group chats and family gatherings.
Scold or shame you for boundaries: “Cutting people off is cruel. That's not who you are.”
Show up as “neutral peacemakers” whose peace always requires your surrender.

How recruitment works

Most flying monkeys aren't villains — they're audiences. The abuser gets to them first with a sympathetic story: they're heartbroken, worried about you, baffled by your coldness. Your grandmother hears that you abandoned the family. Your mutual friend hears that you're unstable and someone needs to check on you. Armed with a false map, decent people do genuinely harmful things — and their sincerity is what makes it so painful. A few, though, know exactly what's happening and participate anyway, because the drama or the alliance benefits them.

They're not responding to what happened to you. They're responding to the story they were told about you.

Why it hurts so much

The original abuse came from one person. Flying monkeys make it feel like a jury verdict. When an aunt, two cousins, and an old friend all echo the same script, your own mind starts asking: can they all be wrong? Yes — because they're not independent witnesses. They're repeating a single source. Counting them as separate opinions is exactly the math the abuser wants you to do.

How to protect yourself

Don't defend your case to the messenger. “I'm not discussing this. How have you been?” — repeat as needed.
Assume anything you say travels back. Share your real feelings only with people who have proven they hold them safely.
Set the boundary at the topic, not the person: “If you keep bringing them up, I'm going to leave / hang up.” Then do it.
Sort your people into three lists — safe, unsafe, and unknown — and share accordingly. The unknowns get pleasant weather talk.
Resist the urge to launch a counter-campaign. You don't need everyone to know the truth; you need a few people who already do.
Grieve the ones who chose the story. Some relationships won't survive this, and that loss deserves real mourning.

Keep reading

Common questions

Are all flying monkeys knowingly malicious?

No. Most are misinformed — they've only heard the abuser's version and genuinely believe they're helping. A smaller number understand the dynamic and participate anyway. Either way, you're allowed to limit contact with anyone who keeps pressuring or reporting on you.

Should I explain my side to the flying monkeys?

Usually it backfires — your explanation gets relayed, dissected, and used as new material. A brief, calm statement once (“There's more to the story, and I'm not discussing it”) is plenty. Save the full truth for people who've earned it.

What if the flying monkey is someone I love, like a parent or sibling?

That's the hardest version. Try naming the dynamic once, gently: “You're only hearing one side, and I need you to stop carrying messages.” If they can respect that, the relationship may survive. If they can't, you may need distance from them too — which is a real loss, and worth grieving with support.

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