Will my partner find out I used this?

Not unless you tell them. Your reflections are private and kept to your account; nothing is sent by email by default; and you can delete your account in one click. We're built on the assumption you value your privacy.

Can I bring this to my therapist?

Yes — the report prints as a PDF, and the Companion lets you save incidents to a private evidence file you can hand a clinician. Many survivors say it's the artifact that finally moved a therapist past circling.

What if I'm wrong about them?

Good question to keep asking — and a sign of empathy, not narcissism. The reflection isn't a verdict on the person. It names patterns in behavior. A clinician makes the diagnosis; we just give you vocabulary.

Will this make things worse?

Naming what's happening tends to clarify rather than escalate. If you're in a high-risk situation (physical violence, threats with weapons, sexual coercion), please call 1-800-799-7233 before you do anything else. Safety plan first; reflection second.

The education library and the survivor community are free, forever. The deeper, personalized tools (your AI reflection, the Companion, the evidence file) are part of a paid plan. Safety planning and crisis resources are always free.

If you're asking the question, you almost certainly aren't. NPD is defined in part by the absence of that question. Asking is empathy in action.

Am I overreacting, or is it abuse?

Calm home corner with a notebook resting in warm natural light — A calm moment to pause with — from Unmasked Care’s guide “Am I overreacting, or is it abuse”.

The fear that you're overreacting is one of the most common experiences survivors describe — and it's frequently a symptom of abuse rather than evidence against it. If someone has spent months or years telling you you're too sensitive, dramatic, or crazy, of course you doubt your own reactions. That doubt was cultivated. Your feelings are information, not an overreaction to be apologized for.

In plain terms — the points this guide will walk through:

You feel afraid, anxious, or tense around them — your body reacts before your mind explains it away.
When you raise a concern, it gets turned around until you're the one apologizing.
You hear the same lines on repeat: “you're too sensitive,” “that never happened,” “you're crazy.”
You've started pre-editing yourself to avoid their reaction.
Friends or family who love you have gently expressed worry.
You feel noticeably calmer and more yourself when they're not around.

Signs it's not you overreacting — from Unmasked Care’s guide “Am I overreacting, or is it abuse”.

Why you keep asking this question

“Am I overreacting?” rarely comes out of nowhere. It usually grows from a steady message — explicit or implied — that your needs are excessive, your memory is faulty, and your emotions are the real problem. That's gaslighting, and over time it trains you to distrust the one instrument that was protecting you: your own gut.

People who are actually overreacting almost never worry that they are. The worry itself is a clue.

Signs it's not you overreacting

You feel afraid, anxious, or tense around them — your body reacts before your mind explains it away.
When you raise a concern, it gets turned around until you're the one apologizing.
You hear the same lines on repeat: “you're too sensitive,” “that never happened,” “you're crazy.”
You've started pre-editing yourself to avoid their reaction.
Friends or family who love you have gently expressed worry.
You feel noticeably calmer and more yourself when they're not around.

The difference between conflict and abuse

In a healthy disagreement, both people can be upset and still respect each other; concerns get heard, and repair is possible. In abuse, your concern becomes the offense — the conversation reliably ends with you doubting yourself and them avoiding accountability. Notice the pattern of where you land, not just the content of any single fight.

How to start trusting yourself again

Write it down as it happens. A plain log of incidents counters the rewriting that makes you doubt yourself.
Stop debating reality with them. You can't win an argument designed to confuse you; you can step out of it.
Borrow an outside perspective — a trusted friend, a hotline advocate, a trauma-informed therapist.
Treat your fear and exhaustion as data. Bodies keep an honest record even when words get twisted.

Keep reading

Key Takeaways

Hold these as orientation, not as a verdict on your relationship — and not as a diagnosis of anyone.

Point	Details
Why you keep asking this question	“Am I overreacting?” rarely comes out of nowhere.
Signs it's not you overreacting	You feel afraid, anxious, or tense around them — your body reacts before your mind explains it away.
The difference between conflict and abuse	In a healthy disagreement, both people can be upset and still respect each other; concerns get heard, and repair is possible.
How to start trusting yourself again	Write it down as it happens.

What this guide is really asking you to notice

The non-obvious point is not a new technique — it is a shift in what counts as evidence. In a healthy disagreement, both people can be upset and still respect each other; concerns get heard, and repair is possible. That framing matters because people in these dynamics are often waiting for a clearer moment, a worse incident, or permission from the other person. None of those arrive on schedule. The line that usually lands hardest: “People who are actually overreacting almost never worry that they are. The worry itself is a clue.” This is educational, not a diagnosis, and it is not a substitute for someone who can look at your specific situation.

Unmasked tools built for this situation

Guides name the pattern. These tools help you work with your own messages, notes, and next steps — without asking you to perform certainty you do not have yet.

Red-flags checklist — a private pattern check at /red-flags (not a diagnosis).
AI message decoder — paste a confusing text and get the tactics named at /decode.
Evidence file — a private, timestamped place for notes at /evidence-file (use a device they can't monitor).
Find a therapist — filter for narcissistic abuse and coercive-control experience at /find-a-therapist.

Useful sources and U.S. resources

These are stable organisational pages (not deep article links). URLs are written out in plain text because guide body copy does not render inline hyperlinks.

National Domestic Violence Hotline — thehotline.org — 1-800-799-7233 — 24/7 confidential support, safety planning, and local referrals in the US. (https://www.thehotline.org/)
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — 988lifeline.org — call or text 988 — 24/7 crisis support in the US. (https://988lifeline.org/)
SAMHSA — National Helpline — 1-800-662-4357 — Free, confidential treatment referral and information, 24/7. (https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline)
Psychology Today — Therapist Directory — The largest US therapist directory, filterable by specialty, insurance, and location. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists)

Common questions

How do I know if I'm overreacting or being gaslit?

Gaslighting shows up as a consistent pattern: your concerns are routinely denied, minimized, or flipped back onto you until you doubt your own memory. If raising issues reliably ends with you apologizing and questioning your sanity — rather than being heard — that's a sign it's gaslighting, not overreaction.

What if I really am too sensitive?

Sensitivity isn't a flaw, and even if you feel deeply, that doesn't give anyone license to belittle or control you. A caring partner responds to strong feelings with care, not contempt. Being told you're “too sensitive” is itself a common way to dismiss legitimate concerns.

Why do I doubt myself so much?

Chronic self-doubt is a well-documented effect of emotional abuse and gaslighting. When someone repeatedly overrides your perception, your confidence in your own judgment erodes. Rebuilding it — often with support — is a normal and achievable part of recovery.

Related guides

All guides · Unmasked