Will my partner find out I used this?

Not unless you tell them. Your reflections are private and kept to your account; nothing is sent by email by default; and you can delete your account in one click. We're built on the assumption you value your privacy.

Can I bring this to my therapist?

Yes — the report prints as a PDF, and the Companion lets you save incidents to a private evidence file you can hand a clinician. Many survivors say it's the artifact that finally moved a therapist past circling.

What if I'm wrong about them?

Good question to keep asking — and a sign of empathy, not narcissism. The reflection isn't a verdict on the person. It names patterns in behavior. A clinician makes the diagnosis; we just give you vocabulary.

Will this make things worse?

Naming what's happening tends to clarify rather than escalate. If you're in a high-risk situation (physical violence, threats with weapons, sexual coercion), please call 1-800-799-7233 before you do anything else. Safety plan first; reflection second.

The education library and the survivor community are free, forever. The deeper, personalized tools (your AI reflection, the Companion, the evidence file) are part of a paid plan. Safety planning and crisis resources are always free.

If you're asking the question, you almost certainly aren't. NPD is defined in part by the absence of that question. Asking is empathy in action.

What is the narcissistic abuse cycle?

The cycle most survivors describe runs idealize → devalue → discard → hoover: an intoxicating beginning, a slow (then sharp) tearing-down, a withdrawal or replacement, and a pull to bring you back so it can start again. Naming the phase you're in is often the first moment the fog lifts.

The four phases

Idealize — love bombing, soulmate language, the version of them you keep waiting to return.
Devalue — criticism, comparison, silent treatment; you work harder for less warmth.
Discard — withdrawal, replacement, or abrupt coldness; often blamed on you.
Hoover — apologies, promises, crises, or charm to pull you back in.

Why it repeats

Each phase serves supply: idealization wins you, devaluation controls you, the discard punishes you, and the hoover proves they still can. The cycle doesn't mean the person is evil — it means the pattern, not the promises, is the reliable predictor.

What is the narcissistic abuse cycle?

The four phases

Why it repeats

Related questions