When months or years of pressure cause the survivor to finally snap — yelling, crying, breaking something — and the abuser then uses that moment as proof that THE SURVIVOR is the abusive one. Often recorded.
After three days of stonewalling, you finally screamed and threw the dish. They calmly filmed the next minute. The 90 seconds of you yelling now exists. The 72 hours of cold withdrawal that produced it doesn't. Their family has seen the clip.